Reality Roundup 2: Winter 2006

Here we go again with another round of what's on and arriving soon to reality tv, in no particular order. There aren't a lot of new shows but in reality tv it's all about the casts: every season is a new show, whatever the premise.

Dancing with the Stars (ABC)
This one's back for a second season and once again, it's just a delight to watch and I can't quite figure out why. The real stars are the champion ballroom dancers who teach & perform with their celeb partners, but they aren't household names so I'll gloss over them for the (somewhat) better known "stars". This time we have actors George Hamilton, Tia Carrere, Tatum O'Neal, and Lisa Rinna, journalist Giselle Fernandez, Drew Lachey of 98 Degrees and former "Newlywed" Nick's brother, ESPN anchor Kenny Mayne, former 49er Jerry Rice, WWE star Stacy Keibler, and rapper Master P who stepped in at the last minute replacing his son (formerly Li'l) Romeo. Mayne is already out which is too bad as he was funny, but he was a lousy dancer. Master P is as bad or worse, but he's got heart and blatantly defies the strict dress code. Hamilton looks good naturally - he is Mr. Suavé after all - but he was recently injured so likely won't last long. Lachey, O'Neal, and Rinna all show a lot of promise and should last awhile, but the John O'Hurley of season two looks like a toss-up between the jocks Keibler (pictured) and Rice.

Celebrity Fit Club (VH1)
The third season of celebs trimming the fat started last week, and it's already serving up the good stuff. On board this round are Chastity Bono, writer and "Hollywood Square" Bruce Vilanch, actress Countess Vaughn, rappers Bizarre and Young MC, Kelly "don't hate me because I'm beautiful" LeBrock, and Cosby kid Tempestt Bledsoe. But the star of the show by far is Jeff Conaway from Grease and "Taxi", who's going to give us a whole new definition of a basket case in serious need of anger management tools. Promos suggest that one of them won't make it til the end.. I'm hoping it's not Conaway because he's reality gold, the kind of spectacle that you just sit and stare and think "OMG this guy can't be for real?!" In just one episode, Conaway's already made season two's resident druggie/hothead Daniel Baldwin look like a wimp on valium.

Flavor of Love (VH1)
Flavor Flav returns to VH1 with a third series, following up his successful runs on "Surreal Life" and "Strange Love". Since Brigitte Nielsen went ahead and married the odd Mattia, Flav's in search of a new baby momma. Twenty hopefuls vie for his approval in a hilarious "Bachelor" parody, complete with Flav handing out clocks instead of roses and blatantly feeling up boobies while applying name tags to the women, most of whom seem to be former or future crack ho's. "Flavor" airs after "Celebrity Fit Club" making Sunday night tv more fun than it's been since "In Living Color".

Skating with Celebrities (Fox)
This knock-off of "Dancing" starts January 18 with the main differences being that it's on ice, and the pros are as well or better known than the celebs. Pairings are Kurt Browning & Debbie Gibson, Tai Babilonia & Bruce Jenner, Jillian Barberie & John Zimmerman, Kristy Swanson & Lloyd Eisler, Jenni Meno & Todd Bridges, and Nancy Kerrigan & Dave Coulier. Kerrigan looks as miserable as usual.. could be fun!

The Bachelor Paris (ABC)
The 8th giving-of-the-roses starts January 9 under the shadow of the Eiffel Tower. I won't be watching.

Beauty & the Geek (WB)
I completely missed the first round of this one and may also miss the second season that starts January 12. Ashton Kutcher is one of the exec producers, which is appropriate since the show pairs up beauties with geeks, something he knows all about. But unlike Ashton, these folks are only competing for $250,000.

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Gauntlet II (MTV)
This train wreck is already underway, and it's as volatile as anything Jerry Springer ever aired. Former cast members of RR and RW don bikinis for physical comps, but the real show is off the playing field where the raging hormones rage and rage and rage.

2006 Winter Olympics (NBC)
More than just a sports show, the Olympic Games appeal to both sports fans and non fans, and they always provide a healthy dose of reality tv along with the skiing, skating, and bobsledding by giving us round-the-clock joys of victory, agonies of defeat, and the always-present dramas, triumphs, and surprises. Opening ceremonies are February 10 from Torino, Italy.

American Idol (Fox)
This one's back again on January 17: be sure to catch the first few episodes. Before the actual competition begins, they give us a few nights of auditions by the rejected applicants. With or without William Hung, these early eps are always the highlight of the season.

Wife Swap (ABC) and Trading Spouses (Fox)
These shows are interchangeable and just keep going. Every week two families from ever more opposite lifestyles swap moms, providing mostly predictable fish-out-of-water stories, but once in awhile you get a good hour. I'm still hoping the dad slaps daughter episode will air someday.

Supernanny (ABC) and Nanny 911 (Fox)
These are also interchangeable but usually fun to watch. "Nanny 911" pretends to have a cast of five, but Nanny Deb and Nanny Stella are the ones to watch. They use the same tactics as "Supernanny" Jo Frost to fix the parents and quell the little monsters, but there's something satisfying about watching such horrible kids running amok and knowing they aren't yours. I suspect a lot of future lawsuits by these kids are in the making from their parents putting their horrid behavior on tv, but I guess that's indicative of the bad parenting they're here about. These shows often end with a tug at the heartstrings or two which always takes me by surprise.. not necessarily a bad thing.

Made and True Life (MTV)
Both are running new episodes, and both are still better than they should be.

Starting Over (Syndicated)
I always forget to mention this one, probably because it's on during the day. It's different, in that six women live in a very nice house but they aren't competing: they're identifying and fixing their emotional damage. They're helped along by two "life coaches" who give them peculiar tasks often involving construction paper and poster board, and there's also a shrink on duty. This show deals with some pretty weighty - and universal - issues that might make some folks a little squirrely.. I like it.

Survivor (CBS)
If you still aren't tired of seeing dirty, skeletal people with almost-visible wavy aroma lines compete on pricey apparatus in jungle settings, or seeing Jeff Probt's windmill "on my go" or hearing him say he'll "go tally the votes now", a 12th version is currently filming. They're in Panama's Pearl Islands once again and should hit the airwaves in February.

The Amazing Race (CBS)
The quality reality show that doubles as a world travelogue returns in February for a ninth outing. This time they're going back to what works: teams of two, exotic locations in many countries, and no kids.

Note: "Amazing Race" fans can download this Google Earth tour which contains all the stops from Season 8 Family Edition, which aired from September 27 to December 13, 2005.

1.6.06 @ 10:56 PM pdt [add 2 cents]